Sex Talk: Don’t fix what is not broken

2026-03-15 - 11:08

You are only 30 years old; why are you hunting for the small blue pill? By the way, does Viagra come in any other colours? Sorry, I digress. Why are you trying to fix what is not broken, risking breaking it, altogether? In a bid to be ‘remembered’, increasingly young men admit to taking performance- enhancing drugs for sex, gradually causing their bodies to be dependent on the substances, and failing to launch on their own again. Others are married, but are so addicted to pornography and masturbation, they cannot walk themselves back off that ledge. In fact, one marriage crumbled irredeemably, because what started as, “Let us play a pornographic movie before we start, to put us in the mood”, turned into a habit the man of the house failed to kick even when his wife said enough was enough. “I wanted our lovemaking to be organic too; for him to do something to me that he had not watched a mzungu do on screen a few seconds earlier. So, I refused to watch anything at bedtime and insisted on normal foreplay like we used to do it. I was shocked to discover that he had basically forgotten how to make love to me without those superficial movies of his,” one wife shared. The result? Her husband sexually neglected her and one time, she woke up in the middle of the night to find him on the bedroom floor, stealthily masturbating to a movie on his phone! Their marriage never recovered from that. Why are you trying too hard, when age, vitality, virility and hopefully common sense are still on your side? Even women do it; turning to artificial lubricants instead of insisting on some good foreplay that will ensure that their bodies are ready for sex, instead of protecting an underperforming spouse’s ego by applying artificial lubricant to a perfectly healthy and functional vagina. Yamba gavumenti ekuyambe (help the government to help you), they say; teach your husband about your body and its needs and ways, instead of hiding inadequacies behind things that are going to cripple your natural abilities to respond to stimuli. Why are you faking an orgasm, as if you are not interested in the real ones? Your system is not broken, but here you are, fixing it by force and suddenly you are dealing with a body that responds according to muscle memory and not according to what it really feels. Occasionally needing a quick fix is okay, but creating problems where there were none, always ends in tears. I once helped a bride in her forties to do her makeup – hmm, desperate times call for desperate measures, because I am really terrible at makeup – and I was shocked by how thin her skin felt under my fingers and brushes. It was literally moving like a piece of kaveera over her cheekbones, and it was hard applying anything. She said she had started bleaching her skin at 16 due to peer pressure – her single biggest regret. So many women are similarly abusing their young skins and bodies, applying harsh bleaches and creams to meet invisible beauty standards, until much later in life when they are older, wiser and well, too late. Don’t take the lazy way out; put in the work. caronakazibwe@gmail.com